First and foremost parents and teachers need to Take Charge of the stressful, high-pressure world our children are expected to cope with.  Some kids are able to cope with stress but there are thousands upon thousands who are not so resilient when it comes to stress and pressure.  It eats away at their spirit, their body and their brain.  And yet, what do most of us do about this?  We act like there is nothing we can do about the stress our children face.  In fact, we pile the stress on even thicker and faster.  We rush them to all kinds of after-school activities, thinking that we are doing them a disfavor if we don’t let them do this.  We rush home so they can do their homework.  We push them to get good grades.  We expect them to behave and socialize in ways that will make them shine amongst their peers.  We buy them all kinds of material ‘toys’ so that they can feel  like one of the gang.  As parents we so desperately want the very best for our children in every way.  So we stretch ourselves in terms of our time and our budget.  Then we become stressed.  And when we are stressed the kids know it.  They know it because our bodies, our behaviors, the expression on our faces, the tone of our voice, they tense way in which we interact with them all screams the message that ‘mommy /daddy is stressed!’

What does a little boy or girl or a teenage son or daughter do when their parent is stressed?  They absorb the stress and become stressed themselves.  One 7-year old told me:  ‘When my mommy is stressed, I feel sick.  I want to take the stress away and help her but I don’t know how.  So I get stressed too.’  He is seven years old and he is talking about stress!  Another told me that ‘when our teacher starts the class and if we feel she is stressed, we all behave badly until she goes kaboom!’

So, parents and teachers, the message of today’s blog is this:  Take Charge of your children’s stress by Taking Charge of your own stress. 

The wellbeing of your child’s body, brain and spirit starts with you! Children absorb your stress. You cannot hide it. You cannot deny it. You cannot role-play or pretend you are not stressed.   

Every single sign of every single learning, behavior and mood symptom that children display is triggered by stress.   Too often when we, or the children, show all kinds of symptoms of stress, we treat the symptoms but we often don’t do anything about removing the stress that caused it.

Your behavior as a parent plays a major role in increasing or reducing your child’s stress.  Here are the 7 parent behaviors that reduce stress:

• Be sure you body language is calm and tranquil.
• Use a warm, quiet tone of voice.
• Behave like you and your child are on the same team shooting for the same goal posts.
• Provide structure.
• Teach personal responsibility.
• Build creativity/laughter/fun into each task/day.
• Live by, and speak about, your family values.

Dr. Sandy Gluckman is the founder and developer of the Parents, Take Charge!  Program.  This is an education- skills-based program for parents and teachers designed to teach them the tools to support the natural healing abilities of the child’s body preferably without the use of prescription drugs.

Remove the nail from the child's body and spirit

Here’s an illogical scenario.  You discover you have a nail in one of your car’s tires which is causing it to leak air.  You take it to the tire repair shop and ask them to leave the nail in the tire and instead do a temporary repair of some kind around the nail that will stop the tire from losing pressure and getting soft.   Ridiculous?   Sure it is!  And I guess this is something that you would never even consider as a solution to your ailing tire?  Yet this is exactly what we do with our children’s bodies when we treat the symptoms and not the root causes of what ails them.  
 

Literally millions of children around the globe are struggling with some type of learning, behavior and mood symptoms -  meltdowns, temper tantrums, depression, difficulty with paying attention, inability to focus and sit still, negativity, low motivation, amongst many others.   These symptoms are categorized and compartmentalized by different healthcare practitioners and labeled as ADD, ADHD, ODD, OCD, Aspergers, depression, Autism, to mention just a few.  This diagnostic label comes with a script for a medication that suppresses the troublesome symptoms.  And everyone sighs a huge sigh of relief.  Phew!  Now we know what the child’s problem is.  It is called ADHD  (or any other label).  And the even better news is that there is a medication that makes this go away.   Teacher is happy.  Parents are happy.  Siblings are happy.  And the child wakes up each day to receive yet another dose of medication that is an assault to its body and spirit!

Why don’t we remove the ‘nail?’

My question is:  why don’t we find and remove the ‘nail’ instead of using medication which is really only a temporary quick fix that will lead to more problems?   Perhaps it is because parents do not know one scientifically proven and hugely exciting fact which is that the child’s body can heal itself – provided we give it a little help to do this.  Let’s go back to my tire analogy.  Imagine if the tire was capable of ejecting the nail and healing the damage to the tire all by itself.   Well clearly tires cannot do this but the truth is that our bodies can.  Our bodies can heal from the inside out, given the right assistance.

So as a parent what can you do with this amazing information?

A. Begin by knowing and reading about this incredible fact:  Your child’s body has the built-in, natural ability, to protect, repair and heal itself.

B. Then discard any of the seven outdated and redundant beliefs listed below that you may be still holding onto.   Study the list below and identify any beliefs you still believe to be true.   Write these beliefs on a slip of paper, spend a moment looking at them, tear the paper into many pieces and put these into the trash.  It is these beliefs that will prevent you from taking charge of your own and your child’s health.

The 7 Outdated Beliefs Parents need to discard…Urgently!

1. The doctor knows best.  
2. Every child showing the same set of learning and behavior symptoms has  the same ‘disorder’ and can thus be treated in the same way.
3. My child’s body needs antibiotics, prescription medications to heal. 
4. There is something wrong with my child’s brain.  
5. My child is born with certain genes and is stuck with them.
6. My child has its own personal brain capacity –the child’s IQ is unchangeable.
7. I am only the parent – what can I do?!…what do I know?!

When you have replaced your outdated beliefs with updated  ones  you will have the ability to begin the journey of finding the ’nail’ in your child’s body and spirit instead of using quick fixes to treat the learning, behavior and mood symptoms that your  wonderful children are challenged by.   By updating redundant beliefs you will  have the courage and desire to learn how to be a parent-healer and provide the necessary conditions for your child’s body and spirit to do what it instinctively knows is best.  Parents,  Take Charge!  It is your responsibility to know exactly how to identify and remove any obstacles that are getting in the way of your child’s natural  ability to heal from the inside out.

Dr. Sandy Gluckman is the founder and developer of the Parents, Take Charge!  Program.  This is an education-skills-based program for parents and teachers.  The program is designed to teach tools that will  support the natural healing abilities of the child’s body, preferably without the use of prescription drugs.

Maybe you are one of the millions of parents who is wondering…

• What is going on with my child?                                                                                          
• Why can’t we get through to him about his behavior?                                                           
• Why can’t he change his behavior?
• Where is that sweet little kid he used to be?
• Why doesn’t she ‘get it’ that behaving like this is not acceptable?
• Why does punishment not work with my child?

I would like to ask you to think about this – children don’t choose to be difficult.  They do not choose to display negative behaviors.  No child consciously decides to be difficult, argumentative or defiant, or to be a bully. 

So why are they doing this?

I want to challenge you to consider that the so-called ‘behavior disorders’ do not really exist.  Children who struggle to behave in ways that enhance their relationships and their lives have an imbalance (or a number of imbalances) in the way their body and spirit functions. It is this imbalance that takes control and drives them to be irritable, naughty, have meltdowns, temper tantrums, become bullies and more.   Once any imbalance in the child’s body and spirit is identified and corrected, the behavioral symptoms will be significantly reduced and in most cases will disappear.

If this is true – and there is huge evidence that it is (email me if you want research links), then it means we must address behavioral  issues in a completely different way.  We can no longer punish these children, ground them, therapize them, talk to them, try to convince them to behave well.  This will  not make a drop of difference while  there continues to be an undetected and untreated underlying root cause that is actually driving this behavior.   And until we identify and remove this rot cause, these children will continue to have so-called behavior problems – which eventually create further related problems.

The Core Principle of Parents, Take Charge!

So here is what I ask you to take away from this blog – the fact that behavior problems are a sign of some kind of imbalance in the body and spirit of the child that is driving the child to behave in ways they would not normally choose to do.   The outward behaviors we see in those children with behavior issues may be the same or similar in most children, but the root causes that lead each child to behave in these ways may be very different.

This concept is the core principle of my Parents, Take Charge! Program.  So parents, if you have a child who displays so-called behavior disorders, I urge you to consider the following:

1. Stop using the words ‘behavior disorder’ – or any other label that somebody has slapped on your wonderful child.
2. Realize that the child is not in control of his problematic behavior and that something in his body and spirit has gone out of balance and is driving this.
3. Educate yourself about the different kind of body- spirit issues that children with behavior problems have.
4. Become totally focused on discovering what is happening in your child’s body and spirit that could be driving this behavior (remembering that this will be different for every child).
5. Find the kind of healthcare specialists that:

-          understand this body-spirit way of thinking

-          and have the skills to find the root causes in both the child’s body and spirit.

       6.  Don’t stop until you know that you have truly identified the root causes for your child’s behavior. 

       7.  Find and apply a tailored, integrated body-spirit solution specific to your child’s imbalance.

Parents who Take Charge! are prepared to keep on going until they find what their particular child’s body and spirit needs to be able to behave in ways that will make them feel whole and happy again. These are parents who reject and despise generic labels and will keep on searching until they find the personalized solution for their unique child’s unique challenges.  And, most importantly, these are parents that take the time to learn the practical parenting tools that they can use every day to heal and restore the child’s healthy, curious, feisty, happy, loving spirit.

Take Charge! parents know that restoring the child’s natural and healthy balance in their bodies, brains and spirits will never come from taking a pill.  

Today I sat across the table from a wonderful lady who lost her son 18 months ago to drugs.  He was in his early twenties.  Her journey to that terrible moment was one that hundreds of thousands of parents can sadly relate to.   When he was six years old he was diagnosed with ADHD. This led to different prescriptions for different drugs as this wonderful, bright young boy struggled to learn. 

Then he began to display, what the doctors called, ‘behavior disorders.’  He became angry and rebellious.  They called this Oppositional Defiance Disorder.  Then he became anxious and obsessive and they called this OCD.  And, of course, with each new diagnosis, more prescription drugs were recommended.  

This young boy always loved to take risks and push the boundaries, whether they were physical, social or legal.  This, of course, created all kinds of problems in his teens because nothing seemed to frighten him. But, interestingly enough, as a young adult this risk-taking behavior made him hugely successful in business.   He became a wealthy young man and loved to spend his money on skydiving and other such adrenalin-enhancing experiences.

Looking with Different Eyes

If anybody stopped for a moment and looked at this child in a positive way, they would have seen the makings of a great entrepreneur, explorer, adventurer and people-inspirer, driven by great passion to take life by the throat.  Instead they gave him negative labels and medication.

After having read about my spirit-body approach to overcoming learning and behavior symptoms, this mom began to wonder how, and if, life would have been different if she had known then about the options I teach now.  Like all parents who have lost a child, she was torturing herself with, “what if I had…, What if I hadn’t…”  This mom tearfully wondered what if there was another way they could have handled this but were unaware that there were different and possibly better options. 

• What if there was an underlying medical cause for my son’s challenges that was never detected and therefore never treated.
• What if his hurting body created a hurting spirit that increased his stress levels, making him more emotionally and physically vulnerable?
• What if he had food allergies, that we did not identify that caused stress on his body and brain?
• What if he had vitamin deficiencies that we did not know about, that triggered these learning and behavior symptoms that were incorrectly labeled as disorders and incorrectly treated?
• What if he had digestive problems, possibly intestinal parasites, bacteria or fungus that caused inflammation and manifested in ways that looks like learning, behavior and mood disorders?
• What if instead of finding and treating the underlying cause of my sons learning and behavior issues we were just drugging the symptoms? 

Treatment Options

Of course we will never know the answer to these ‘what if’ questions in the case of this mother’s son.   I wanted to share these ‘what ifs’  with my readers because these are options I would highly recommend you explore if you have a child who is underachieving,  has low motivation, is inattentive, distracted, hyperactive, has meltdowns, feels  anxious, depressed,  has temper tantrums, is a bully or has been diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, ADD  or autism…

Wouldn’t you want to discover and treat the underlying causes for these symptoms, rather than resort to a quick fix simply to make the symptoms go away?

Frightening numbers of children are struggling with issues like underachievement, low motivation, meltdowns, bullying, anxiety, behavior problems, depression, OCD, ADHD, autism, eczema, asthma, allergies, low immune system … and others.   Here’s my take on why this is happening:

1. 95% of all learning, behavior and mood conditions that children are experiencing are triggered by stress.   And yet the fact that stress is causing and worsening these issues is often ignored and underplayed.
2. Instead we have been misled to believe that when children have a learning, behavior or mood problem, they have a ‘disorder’ which has a name and an appropriate medication.  This is incorrect!  Learning, behavior or mood problems that children experience are not disorders – they are symptoms of stress.
3. When we identify and treat the underlying stress triggers, the child’s learning and behavior issues are significantly improved and, in many cases reversed.  The problem is that mainstream medicine is drugging the symptoms instead of identifying and removing the stress.

Parents, your children need you to be their strongest advocate.  They need you to Take Charge! and be updated and fully informed about the role that stress is playing in their lives.  Above all they need you to have the skills to reduce stress in their lives. 

How?

Begin by understanding that if your child has attention, behavior or mood issues, this suggests that your child experiences life as stressful.     This stress can throw your child’s wonderful spirit and body out of balance.  It is up to you to equip yourself with the very latest information and skills that will help you prevent, and heal, stress-related conditions in your children. 

Click here to view 2 minute video clip:  Stress causes learning and behavior problems

In her Parents, Take Charge! Workshops Dr. Sandy Gluckman teaches parents and educators easy to use tools that will help children’s bodies heal from the inside, with little or no use of medication.

So often we find ourselves making decisions and trying treatments that do not bring the hoped-for result when trying to help our children overcome their learning, behavior or mood challenges.  In many instances this disappointment is due to the fact that we started off with outdated information which caused us to ask the wrong questions and look in the wrong places for answers.   In other words, what we were thinking and believing was a myth.  So let’s start with a quick quiz which will reveal if you are holding onto a myth about the learning, mood and behavior challenges that children face.

Your child/student, Mark, is having trouble paying attention and sitting still.  He is clearly a bright child but he is underachieving.  He is disruptive in school and at home.  It does not take much for him to have a meltdown or to have a temper tantrum.  Other children are having trouble relating to him because of his poor social cues.

You believe that:

(a)    His lack of attention is connected to something going on in the brain.

(b)   His mood and behavior issues have a psychological basis.

(c)    The child should see a specialist such as a neurologist, and/or a psychologist and/or a psychiatrist.

(d)   These learning, mood and behavior issues are symptoms of stress and it is the stress that should be identified and treated and not the learning, behavior and mood problems.

If you said ‘yes’ to a, b or c, you are still stuck with a myth, which is that learning, behavior and mood issues are disorders of the brain and/or  have a psychological basis.   If you believe this you  have not yet caught up with what is happening in the medical and psychological world today.  The correct answer is (d).  The new reality in the 21^st century is that, in most cases, stress is the actual disorder and learning, mood and behavior problems are the symptoms. Treat the stress and the symptoms will significantly decrease or go away.

The Myth:  Learning, behavior and mood issues are disorders of the brain.

So while we continue to belief this, we will behave in ways that endanger our children’s health because this myth has caused us to be in denial about the fact that stress is the most dangerous, underplayed and under-treated disease in children today.   If we believe this myth we will be speaking to the wrong doctors, looking in the wrong places for answers, trying the wrong treatments – and not dealing with the fact that it is the untreated stress that is causing the child’s spirit and body to be unable to function in the best way possible.

Thousands upon thousands of moms and dads are running around visiting all kinds of specialists in their attempt to find  answers to their children’s  challenges.  This is costly in terms of time, money and energy and is made worse by the fact that these specialists are working in a compartmentalized way, seeing only the diseases that they are trained to see.  The traditional neurologist, for example, is unlikely to say, ‘Let’s first explore if there are any signs of physical and emotional stress.   If they did, in many cases they may discover, for example, that the child has gut issues and that this is directly affecting the way the child learns, feels and behaves.   The traditional psychologist is unlikely to check if the child has food allergies or vitamin deficiencies or inflammation.  And yet, research now shows that so many neurological and psychological issues are related to gut issues and that gut issues are related to stress.

So, if you have been stuck with this myth, your task is to abandon it and Take Charge! of your child’s challenges in a very different kind of way,  using the latest research and information.

How?

Begin by knowing how to identify a professional person who is most likely to significantly improve your child’s life.  You are looking for a healthcare practitioner who practices a comprehensive approach to learning, mood and behavior issues.

Ask the healthcare practitioner 5 questions. If the answer to these questions is ‘yes’, this could be the right person for you and your child.

1. Do you believe that my child’s challenges could be stress-related?
2. Will you be exploring the possibility of stress-related malfunctions in my child’s body and spirit?
3. How do you do this?  What diagnostic tools will you be using?  (You will need to be informed in order to assess the practitioner’s answer to question 3.)
4. Will your treatment plan integrate a treatment plan for both the body and the spirit of my child?
5. Will you use drugs as an absolute last resort?

It is important to read, read, read about the newest thinking and practices in the kind of challenge your child faces.   You need to be educated and informed in order to Take Charge! and have this kind of conversation with your child’s practitioner.

We will explore more myths in the blogs that follow.  Getting rid of this myth – learning, behavior and mood issues are disorders of the brain – is a great place to start.

Step 1.      Take a Position.

Watch this 1 minute video clip. http://bit.ly/qQNC0j If you agree with what I am saying, then go to step 2

Step 2.     Challenge your Child’s Label

Watch this second video clip (1 minute 50 secs.)  http://bit.ly/qHsgzS

Step 3.     Adopt a New View

Take a sheet of paper and a pen.  Watch the second video again and write each of the captions on each of the T-Shirts on your sheet of paper.   Decide which one best describes your child.  In other words, if you drop the label the doctor has given your child, which of these healthy descriptions would describe your child’s nature and behavior.  If none of the descriptions on the video work for you then follow the idea and identify one of your own.  Once you have the answer, begin to see your child, and relate to your child in this whole new way.  You will be truly amazed by the difference this healthy description will make in healing your child’s challenges.

Step 4.    Own It with Passion!

Write a comment and let me know which description fits your child best and how this makes you feel.  It is important to write it and share it because this will be the first step of owning it and making it happen!

Good Luck!  I am looking forward to hearing from you!

The Second Major Stress:

The Stress of their Parents and Teachers.

These kids were very vocal about the fact that they are super-aware when their parents felt stressed.  This makes them feel, “afraid and helpless. ‘  As one child put it, “I want to help my mom when she is stressed but I don’t know how.”  Another said, ‘I am afraid because I don’t know what he will do next – will my dad shout at me or just be quiet and not speak?’

They had lots of fun speaking about the stress of their teachers!  This seemed to be very amusing to them … “when our teacher comes into class and she is stressed we all know it.  So we behave badly and she gets more stressed and we behave more badly and then she goes kaboom!”

As one 11 year boy said, “as long as my parents or my teacher don’t take the stress out on me, I can handle it. But it is usually taken out on me, and then I feel bad.”

Listen Up!  Here’s what the children are telling us!

They know when their parents and teachers are stressed; they feel it and they absorb it.   What they don’t understand is why the adults around them don’t deal with their own stress and “why it just goes on and on.”   They don’t understand why the adults around them are not happy, relaxed, calm, centered and filled with laughter and joy!  And this makes them feel anxious and insecure.

The Third Major Stress:

Keeping up with the Materialistic Values of other Kids.

Here’s a shocking statement made by one of the girls, ‘If I don’t have a blackberry I’m a lowly.’  (a ‘lowly?! – is this a new word? Certainly makes the point! )  And another child says, “If I don’t get as much attention on Facebook as my friends do, I feel depressed.”  Then there is the peer pressure to have trendy clothes and the latest gadgets and music. To quote, “I often get stressed about who wears nicer stuff’.

The time for denial is over.

In my workshops I describe stress as the huge pink elephant with a black cowboy hat in the room that everyone is ignoring.   Stress is becoming a silent killer.  95% of all diseases begin with stress.  Sure, the reality is that we all face tremendous pressure.  But, as adults, we can choose not to  respond in highly stressed ways and fall into bed in a stressed-out heap.  Our children cannot choose a stress-less way of life, if we don’t!

As thinking adults we can choose to stop for a moment, look at ourselves through the eyes of our children, switch the treadmill down to low and take classes on how to reconnect with that wonderful spirit at the core of our being.  This is the place inside us where we feel good enough and special enough.   It is only when we are connected to our own special spirit that we can see the specialness of our children and intuitively know how to help them.   And when we stop and reconnect with our true spirit something wondrous happens.  Our values in life will spontaneously change.  We will begin to cherish values such as being authentic,  being present at all times, having a larger purpose than oneself, empathy for others,  the importance of true meaningful connection and living a healthy, stress-less lifestyle.   As our children watch us living these kinds of values, so they too will reconnect with their own awesome spirit and discover how special they really are!

The question I am asked the most every day is,  “how can I help my child?”  And my answer is that it begins with you helping yourself first.  This is why if a plane crashes, you are instructed to put your oxygen mask on first before you help your kids.   The first step to healing all learning, mood and behavior challenges that your children face is to  Take Charge! of your own stress  first.  I hope that this blog will help you see yourself through the eyes of your children so that you can become the person they need you to be.

The Focus Group

So there I am with the TV crew, in a school auditorium, sitting in a semi-circle with bright-eyed, excited children between seven and 12 years of age.   After they had answered several questions and about 45 minutes after we started, I say, ‘Okay, you have given me such important information about how stress feels in your body.  Now let’s talk about the 3 things that cause you the most stress.’     The first hand pops up and answers with great conviction, ‘getting the best grades.’   All are in full agreement.  A fervent discussion ensues about the expectations of the teachers and the parents for them to achieve high grades, about their desire to be smart and their fear and anxiety of  ‘not being good enough.’  One 9 year old says, ‘my mom and dad tell me that as long as I try my best, whatever grades I get are okay.  But’, he adds, ‘this does not make me feel good about myself, because my teacher tells me I am an under-achiever.’    All the kids agree that they place enormous pressure on themselves to excel.  The term ‘over-achiever’ was used again and again – ‘my mom says I am an over-achiever and that’s why I am so stressed.’

Think about it!  They are so young and yet they already think of themselves in terms of being ‘an under-achiever or an over-achiever!’   And each of these labels causes them stress!   What will they be like by the time they become adults?!   And what will this achievement stress have done to their health, their hormonal balance, their neurochemistry, their organs, and their immune system?   What stress-related physical and emotional disorders will they have created for themselves because they are anxious about being an over- or under-achiever?

Already parent and teacher expectations to achieve the best grades have created a generation of  pre-teens and teens on medications that are designed to increase their ability to attend and focus and improve their grades.  A significant percentage of college kids are feigning  ADHD symptoms in order to obtain scripts from doctors and using these drugs themselves, and selling them to each other, because they believe they will do better on tests.    See this shocking expose – http://www.bestsyndication.com/?q=20110517_college_students_abusing_adderall_add_adhd_prescription_drugs.htm

You’re probably thinking …So what’s the solution?

It’s starts with the parents.  If you are a parent who places huge priority on the achievement of the best grades, who sees your child as an under-achiever, or who is secretly glad that your child is a stressed over-achiever, then ask yourself,  ‘Am  I prepared to handle the consequences of this in terms of what it is doing to my child?’  Because there will be consequences!

Sure it is scary not to push your child – ‘look at your grades, look at your grades!’   But has it ever occurred to you that this achievement stress is having the opposite effect of what you are hoping for?  Has it ever occurred to you that by your being stressed about this, and by showing your stress about this to your child, the child will become stressed?  And stressed children cannot learn and achieve their highest potential.

So I would highly recommend that you start to speak differently to your children about grades.  Put it all into a less stress-oriented perspective and trust that, without the physical and emotional strain of stress, the child will be free to find his/her way of becoming all they are capable of being.

This is the first of a 3-part series of blogs describing what the children in the focus group told me.  Their responses were hugely insightful and eye-opening.  None of the participants attended special needs schools.  They all came from middle to upper class environments.

‘What happens to you when you feel stressed?’ 

In answer to my question:  ‘What happens to you when you feel stressed – how do you know you are stressed … one seven- year-old said, (while using his hand to indicate a movement from his belly up to his chest),   ‘when I am stressed it’s like a volcano … like the lava is growing and growing … and then someone just says hello to me and I burst out crying.’  

Another said, ‘I feel cold and get a like a tight feeling in my head.’      

Yet another said, ‘I feel like puking.’

And … ‘I feel helpless and afraid.’

‘I fight with my brother.’

‘I don’t know what to do so I go to my bedroom and hit myself with my pillow.’

The responses went on and on.  These youngsters did not have to hesitate for a second, they did not have to think about what stress is like for them – they could answer this immediately!    And all the little hands went up,  all wanting a chance to share how stress feels for them. 

What I found so interesting is how they spoke about their stress with such openness and candor.  They did not care that the TV cameras and crew were there filming the focus group; they did not care that there were many strangers in the audience watching them and listening to them.   It was as if they were glad to have the opportunity to speak about their stress – and –  to someone who wanted to listen.  One little 7-year old boy who had deep, dark, soulful eyes, had been laid off from school with bronchitis, but absolutely insisted that he wanted to get out of bed that morning to be a part of this focus group so he could tell his stress story and see if he could find a way to make the stress easier to manage.  

Chronic stress is the most dangerous and yet the most ignored condition in children today.

Isn’t this a sad indictment on parents and teachers; schools and coaches, society and healthcare practitioners, and anyone else dealing with children?   Why are our kids so stressed?   And why are so many parents, teachers and healthcare practitioners either:

1. Ignoring this?
2. Expecting, or hoping,  that the child will cope?
3. Medicating the child to help it cope? 

The fact that children are stressed is an undeniable reality.  

Enormous pressure is placed on them to get good grades, be popular with their peers and perform on the sports fields.   We are unlikely to be able to change this.   Surely, if this is the reality, then shouldn’t we focus on ensuring that children have strong and healthy minds, bodies and spirits so that they:

•  Are resilient and don’t interpret everything as being stressful. 
•  If they do feel stress, they have the skill and strength to rise above it. 

So here is what I have discovered.  Loving, caring parents and teachers are playing the blame game.  The parents tell me that it is the teacher’s  and school’s fault that the kids are stressed.  The teachers blame the parents.  The truth, from where I stand, is that, with the best of intentions, both parents and teachers unconsciously contribute, every day, to the stress of the children in their lives.  How do you do this?  By walking around with your own stress levels that are through the roof!   Your own minds, bodies and spirits are in a knot.  And, chances are high that you are doing very little to fix this.   In many cases you may have developed your own stress-related physical and emotional ailments – from headaches, tiredness, muscular aches and pains, bloating, overweight, digestive disorders, allergies – to blood pressure, heart, diabetes, thyroid, and others.  

This seriously reduces your ability to be fresh, happy, exciting, energetic, passionate, funny and relaxed around your children. 

I would highly recommend that if you are a parent or a teacher you should consider Taking Charge! in these 5 ways:

1. The first step of a parent or teacher who wants to Take Charge!  is to learn how to fix yourself first.   When you have a strong, resilient, mind body and spirit, you will automatically pass this on to your children and students.  All children have a natural capacity for stress resilience.  As the parent or teacher, it is your responsibility to know how to tap into, and release, that amazing capacity – but you can’t do it for them if you can’t do it for you!
2. Take ownership of the level of stress you feel.  Be glad if it is low.  Be concerned if it is high.
3.  Look at any personal physical or emotional conditions you are dealing with and understand that these were triggered by stress and are worsened by ongoing stress.
4. Look at your own behaviors, conversations, body language, and tone of voice and ask yourself how much stress the children are picking up from you.  The formula is a simple one –‘where there is a stressed parent or teacher, there will be a stressed child’.  Your children absorb your stress.  So bottom line:  It starts with you.  When you ignore your own stress – this hurts not only your own mind, body and spirit but also your child’s and your student’s mind, body and spirit.
5. Ask your children (or students) – ‘what am I doing that makes you feel stressed’?    And make the necessary changes.